Nothing kills good relationships faster than selfish individuals talking about themselves. Even outgoing people who suffer this vice end up suffering from loneliness.
Loneliness is not just a personal issue; it is also a societal crisis of epic proportions impacting Americans. A study by Cigna Insurance revealed that in 2019, a staggering 58 percent felt alone, a significant increase from 46 percent in the previous year.
Harvard Professor Richard Weissbourd found that 36 percent of Americans were chronically lonely, and 37 percent were sporadically lonely. Young adults from 18 to 34 were notably affected and blamed COVID-19 for their loneliness problems.
U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness an epidemic because half of American adults are lonelier than they would prefer. Loneliness is more pervasive than diabetes or anxiety and comes with grave health consequences. Japan and Britain have even named government ministers to address loneliness.
To understand loneliness better, it helps to distinguish between loneliness and social isolation. Social isolation is an objective state, whereas loneliness is an emotional response to this state.
When digging deeper into the problem, loneliness generates alienation, isolation, distrust and a disconnect from society. A nostalgic phone call or random e-mail cannot resolve these symptoms. They need a complete reassessment of the problem that deals with an authentic love of neighbor for the love of God—charity.
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In her 2019 book, A Biography of Loneliness, historian Fay Bound Alberti suggests that loneliness was rarely a topic of concern in the Western world before the 1800s. Being alone was once a cherished respite since people often had large families with more crowded living conditions. Solitude was considered a luxury.
From the fifties onward, the modern science of loneliness studies emerged. These studies challenge the traditional view of loneliness as simply the absence of people. Other causes include the lack of social relationships, experiences or roles.
Loneliness can be a self-fulfilling trap that tightens with each attempt to break free from it. It can create a vicious circle of fear of unacceptability and debilitating negative beliefs. It differs from solitude because solitude offers relief from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. People are hard-wired to connect.
Thus, souls thrive on social bonding, which is essential from birth to maturity. The instinct of sociability and the recognition of contingency are the foundation of civilization.
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The epidemic of loneliness can only be addressed when it is understood. Thus, its root causes include:
- Changing lifestyles and movement patterns. On average, Americans move eight times during their lifetime.
- The changes were caused by education, careers or retirement in recent decades, isolating people from the ties that bound them to close-knit communities, family and friends.
- Digital dominance isolates with increases in screen time over human connections. Americans spend an average of 8 hours and 34 minutes of screen time daily. (Nielsen data as of Q2-2023.)
- This screen time extends beyond personal links and everyday tasks, from shopping to seeking information that further distances people.
- Social media is paradoxical because despite being tagged as “social,” it has ironically triggered a decline in face-to-face interactions, especially among youth.
One extreme cause of loneliness was the COVID-19 crisis. It catalyzed pre-existing loneliness trends, amplifying feelings of disconnection while underscoring the fact that human contact plays an essential role in mental well-being.
COVID-enforced isolation compounded prior problems. The world is still grappling with its consequences at home, in the workplace and at every level of community life.
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Loneliness can impact physical and mental health in many ways. According to the Surgeon General’s report, social isolation increases the chance of dying prematurely by as much as 29 percent, which is similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Loneliness can also lead to more significant risks of heart disease, stroke, dementia and other severe health issues.
Researchers claim loneliness is also associated with lower academic achievement and work productivity. In recent years, it has led to an additional $6.7 billion in annual Medicare spending for adults.
There are many ways to address the problem of loneliness. The first is simply reaching out to lonely people and inviting them for a casual chat at a local café or community center. They could be invited to share a glass of wine, go on a picnic, or participate in a sport for fun.
However, this reaching out can have little meaningful effect as society becomes increasingly polarized. When people feel little in common with others over important issues, they will not want to reach out or spend time with others, even if both are lonely.
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Those who suffer loneliness need help finding purpose and meaning and less mechanical activities. The traditional office setting, for example, is shifting toward remote work. Virtual communication tools like Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Basecamp and Slack have replaced personal meetings, which have negatively impacted social bonding, reduced efficiency and aggravated the crisis of loneliness.
The introduction of self-checkouts and meal-delivery apps has increased dramatically since COVID-19. However convenient these interactions may be, they lack the human touch that can lessen loneliness.
The idea of returning the human touch to business transactions appeared in Dutch and French supermarkets. They opened checkout lines where chit-chat is welcome. These popular ‘slow checkouts’ provide a more personal experience and help tackle loneliness and isolation.
Modern American history has shown that each significant societal change brings an increase in loneliness. In his landmark book, The Lonely Crowd, David Riesman traces trends and technologies with increased isolation. The early 1900s saw radio unite families around radio shows, not conversations at the table. The automobile industry offered affordable cars, allowing people to travel more frequently and longer distances, creating concerns of isolation. The changes in sexual mores in the sixties and the seventies caused social upheaval and rising divorce rates, creating more isolation.
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Today’s rapid technological advancements and changing social norms are outpacing man’s ability to adapt. Present generations are more selfish and lack the familial support that was there for past generations. They no longer have a healthy Catholic formation and strong family ties that once created close-knit communities.
Deep relationships are needed, especially those that form social skills and purposeful pursuits in a person—like raising families. Religious practice used to provide moral guidance and meaningful discussions about piety, virtue and the reason for existence—reaching Heaven.
The epidemic of loneliness will only be addressed adequately with a profound change of mentality. It calls for a change based on a self-abnegated love of neighbor, not a selfish pursuit of pleasure. Such change calls for a love of God. This Return to Order can only be found in the perennial teachings of the Catholic Church, not a psychiatrist’s handbook of human behavior.
Please consider getting a copy of the book Return to Order, which addresses this change in great depth.
Photo Credit: © Nickolay Khoroshkov- stock.adobe.com